Something was off.
I returned to my room and couldn’t shake the feeling that something was bothering my soul. “What was that verse again and why was it prickling me,” I thought.
The retreat started much like others I had attended. The leader shared a passage from scripture, and we prayed over our time together. However, this particular retreat was meant to be different. I was there to learn how to lead silent and prayer retreats. Having attended retreats in the past, I thought I knew what to expect. What I didn’t anticipate was God calling me out for my pride.
As the retreat leader read aloud, my heart ached. Shrugging it off, I took a deep breath and listened intently – wanting God’s words to ring true.
I listened, sat prayerfully, nodded, and whispered “Yes, Lord”. Yet, I could feel a sense of resistance within me.
“My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. Israel put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.” Psalm 131:1-3 NIV
Later in my room, I unfolded the piece of paper given to me during the morning session – Psalm 131 inked on the page. The passage confused me, so I pulled out my phone and looked up the word “haughty.”
“Arrogantly superior and disdainful,” I read aloud.
My gaze landed on the bell tower outside my window as I felt the presence of God. In my spirit, I felt God’s gentle nudge toward dismantling my lofty goals and surrendering to the unknown. But I knew it was more than surrendering, I needed to be completely content with the outcome – regardless of my own expectations.
Pride is a tricky thing. It shows up when we’re not expecting it – weaving its ugly, yet beautifully disguised, tentacles into the most vulnerable parts of one’s soul. Often it can be unnoticed for quite a while.
God wants to lead us to His kingdom work, where His glory shines the brightest and the only explanation is pointed directly back to Him. Our pride can slowly fester, decaying our chance of Him leading us. We get in the way. More importantly, it jeopardizes our personal relationship with our Almighty God. Pride can keep us from the One we’re longing to be closest to – Jesus.
“Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.” Proverbs 18:12 NIV
In God birthing a dream and ministry within me, I inadvertently became focused on aspects that made the ministry more about me rather than about others and their relationship with our Triune God. My desire for ministry began to intertwine with pride. I wanted to host retreats that left attendees saying, “That was the best retreat I’ve ever been to!” Instead, my goal should be for people to say, “Wow, I needed that time with God. He’s so good to me.”
I now understand that the resistance I felt during the retreat was God nudging me to recognize my pride.
God has great plans for our lives and he invites us into His works. He invites us to collaborate with Him so that He can show off his extraordinary love.
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27 NIV
He doesn’t desire our achievements; He longs for our hearts. The Holy Spirit reminded me that my hidden pride was obstructing His guidance and preventing His love from shining through me.
It’s not always easy to fully surrender, letting God lead us with unconditional contentment – like a weaned child. But I’ve also seen the fruit of trusting God wholeheartedly. He shows up in big ways. He shows up in ways that show off His glory. He shows up in ways that can only point back to His love, mercy, and grace.
I’ve watched God’s provision prove to be faithful in times when finances were tough for my husband and me. I’ve seen God open doors I never thought possible. My heart has been softened during painful moments where unexplainable peace covered me.
Throughout these experiences, I have come to realize that God’s counsel in our lives is often a gentle invitation to a deeper connection with Him. Who are we becoming in the process as He walks with us in the journey? As I reflect on how God’s presence, I am reminded that these moments are not just about our circumstances but also about our readiness to embrace what He is calling us to.
In your ministry, whether it’s in motherhood, an office, a church building, or on a sidewalk ask yourself, What is God inviting you into? Do you sense any unseen pride that gets in the way of God leading you?
About the Author
Austi Baudro is an artist and spiritual director living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. A recent call to surrender everything inspired Austi to start her small business, Robe and Crown. Her mission is to help others prayerfully consider what God is inviting them to do. Through her art and messages, Austi hopes to encourage people by guiding them back to their relationship with God.
Robe and Crown is an online shop filled with scripture art and products such as devotional art prints, greeting cards, notebooks, and more. You’ll discover meaningful items and gifts, all featuring scripture art to draw you into God’s invitations.
Are you seeking a simple yet practical way to reconnect with the love of God? Download our free guide, “Breath Prayer Practice: 20 Breath Prayers for Your Everyday Life.” This practical resource will walk you through the practice of using breath as prayer, featuring the inspiring Robe and Crown art. DOWNLOAD HERE
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Beautifully expressed!