Something was off.

I returned to my room and couldn’t shake the feeling that something was bothering my soul. “What was that verse again and why was it prickling me,” I thought.

The retreat started much like others I had attended. The leader shared a passage from scripture, and we prayed over our time together. However, this particular retreat was meant to be different. I was there to learn how to lead silent and prayer retreats. Having attended retreats in the past, I thought I knew what to expect. What I didn’t anticipate was God calling me out for my pride. 

As the retreat leader read aloud, my heart ached. Shrugging it off, I took a deep breath and listened intently – wanting God’s words to ring true.

I listened, sat prayerfully, nodded, and whispered “Yes, Lord”. Yet, I could feel a sense of resistance within me. 

“My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. Israel put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭131‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Later in my room, I unfolded the piece of paper given to me during the morning session – Psalm 131 inked on the page. The passage confused me, so I pulled out my phone and looked up the word “haughty.”

“Arrogantly superior and disdainful,” I read aloud.

My gaze landed on the bell tower outside my window as I felt the presence of God. In my spirit, I felt God’s gentle nudge toward dismantling my lofty goals and surrendering to the unknown. But I knew it was more than surrendering, I needed to be completely content with the outcome – regardless of my own expectations.

Pride is a tricky thing. It shows up when we’re not expecting it – weaving its ugly, yet beautifully disguised, tentacles into the most vulnerable parts of one’s soul. Often it can be unnoticed for quite a while.

God wants to lead us to His kingdom work, where His glory shines the brightest and the only explanation is pointed directly back to Him. Our pride can slowly fester, decaying our chance of Him leading us. We get in the way. More importantly, it jeopardizes our personal relationship with our Almighty God. Pride can keep us from the One we’re longing to be closest to – Jesus.  

“Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

In God birthing a dream and ministry within me, I inadvertently became focused on aspects that made the ministry more about me rather than about others and their relationship with our Triune God. My desire for ministry began to intertwine with pride. I wanted to host retreats that left attendees saying, “That was the best retreat I’ve ever been to!” Instead, my goal should be for people to say, “Wow, I needed that time with God. He’s so good to me.” 

I now understand that the resistance I felt during the retreat was God nudging me to recognize my pride. 

God has great plans for our lives and he invites us into His works. He invites us to collaborate with Him so that He can show off his extraordinary love.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27 NIV

He doesn’t desire our achievements; He longs for our hearts. The Holy Spirit reminded me that my hidden pride was obstructing His guidance and preventing His love from shining through me.

It’s not always easy to fully surrender, letting God lead us with unconditional contentment – like a weaned child. But I’ve also seen the fruit of trusting God wholeheartedly. He shows up in big ways. He shows up in ways that show off His glory. He shows up in ways that can only point back to His love, mercy, and grace.

I’ve watched God’s provision prove to be faithful in times when finances were tough for my husband and me. I’ve seen God open doors I never thought possible. My heart has been softened during painful moments where unexplainable peace covered me. 

Throughout these experiences, I have come to realize that God’s counsel in our lives is often a gentle invitation to a deeper connection with Him. Who are we becoming in the process as He walks with us in the journey? As I reflect on how God’s presence, I am reminded that these moments are not just about our circumstances but also about our readiness to embrace what He is calling us to. 

In your ministry, whether it’s in motherhood, an office, a church building, or on a sidewalk ask yourself, What is God inviting you into? Do you sense any unseen pride that gets in the way of God leading you? 

About the Author
Austi Baudro is an artist and spiritual director living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her husband and two sons. A recent call to surrender everything inspired Austi to start her small business, Robe and Crown. Her mission is to help others prayerfully consider what God is inviting them to do. Through her art and messages, Austi hopes to encourage people by guiding them back to their relationship with God.

Robe and Crown is an online shop filled with scripture art and products such as devotional art prints, greeting cards, notebooks, and more. You’ll discover meaningful items and gifts, all featuring scripture art to draw you into God’s invitations.

Are you seeking a simple yet practical way to reconnect with the love of God? Download our free guide, “Breath Prayer Practice: 20 Breath Prayers for Your Everyday Life.” This practical resource will walk you through the practice of using breath as prayer, featuring the inspiring Robe and Crown art. DOWNLOAD HERE

Follow Robe and Crown @robe_and_crown on Instagram and https://www.facebook.com/robeandcrownmin on Facebook

Register here to join Arise Ministries Collective and women from around Clark County for EXPECT, an inter-church conference that desires to explore who God is and better understand what we can expect as Christ-followers. Participants will enjoy food, fellowship, worship, teaching and interactive workshops from local leaders. Register early, as capacity is limited and workshops are offered on a first-come basis.

WHO: Women (13 and older)
WHAT:  EXPECT – A two-day women’s conference
WHEN:  Friday, March 14 (7-9 pm) & Saturday, March 15 (9 am-3 pm)
WHERE: Vancouver Church
COST: $55 (early bird rate; January 14-February 4) // $65 (standard rate; February 4-February 24)

*Cost includes: workshops, main teaching sessions, worship, all materials, light refreshments and dessert on Friday, light breakfast and full lunch on Saturday, and refreshments throughout the conference.

WORKSHOPS

You will be asked to select your top three choices from the following workshops at the time of registration. While we will try to accommodate preferences, allocation will be determined by order of registration and workshop capacity. Participants will attend two workshops at the event:

• Inductive Bible Study: Growing Closer to God as You Learn to Observe, Interpret, and Apply Scripture with Judy Friesen
• Using Your Voice: Tips and Ideas for Creating a 20-Minute Gospel-Centered Message with Kirsten Galanter
• A Tired Mind: Finding God’s Peace in Anxiety with Beth Claes
• Leaning Into Lament: Embracing the Presence of a Trauma-Informed God with Marnee Alfson
• Mission Possible: Understanding and Living the Great Commission with Becky Hurley
• Waiting Well: Finding Strength for the Journey Through Heartbreak to Hope with Eka Frimpong
• Time With Jesus: An Hour of Guided Prayer with Melissa Olson (*Please note: you will not need to pray out loud during this workshop)

**IMPORTANT: If you are only planning to attend the main sessions and NO workshops, please select that option during registration so we can accurately place other registrants in their desired workshops.**

**Follow us on Instagram to see pictures of our workshop leaders and read their bios.

MAIN SESSION SPEAKERS

Shelbi Shutt is a pastor, speaker, writer, and disability advocate who has given her life to teaching and empowering people to encounter God’s presence in and through their weaknesses. Shelbi has had the opportunity to share her unfolding story of steadfast hope with thousands of people across the country, igniting joy and resilience wherever she goes. Shelbi currently serves as the Pastor of Gathering and Teaching at A Jesus Church in Portland, Oregon, while pursuing her Masters at Western Theological Seminary. Alongside her work in the local church, Shelbi has been a collaborative partner with Alpha, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, The Fuller Youth Institute, BibleProject, and the Canadian Church Leaders Network. Shelbi lives in Portland, Oregon with her husband, Jordan and their pup, Cas You can connect with her on IG @shelbishutt

Ali Gadbaugh is a homebody, wife, and mom who is dedicated to her family and a fierce mental health advocate. Born and raised in the PNW, she likes to add a little sarcasm and humor to life, loves coffee and her French Bulldog, and is committed to deepening her relationship with the Lord and seeking His voice through His Word. 

WORSHIP LEADER

Becca Alexander Pickrel is a worship pastor, musician, and a born and raised Portlander. She fell in love with Jesus through singing and believes music has the power to bridge any gap. She is passionate about leading people into the presence of God and drawing them closer to Christ. Becca is a runner, has two children, and loves to lead worship alongside her husband Ryan.

SCHEDULE

Please note that the main sessions will begin promptly at their scheduled times. Plan to arrive early enough to park, check-in, and take advantage of opportunities for fellowship and/or prayer if desired.

Friday, March 14, 2025

• 6:15 pm    Check-In  | Light refreshments available
• 7:00 pm    Main Session | Worship & testimony (Ali Gadbaugh)
• 8:30 pm    Closing  | Followed by dessert & fellowship

Saturday, March 15, 2025

• 8:15 am     Doors Open / Prayer Opportunity | Light breakfast
• 9:00 am     Welcome / Prayer / Worship
• 10:00 am   Workshop Session A
• 11:00 am    Lunch / Fellowship
• 12:15 pm   Workshop Session B
• 1:30 pm     Main Session | Worship & teaching (Shelbi Shutt)
• 3:00 pm     Closing & Exhortation | Prayer opportunity

IMPORTANT

* While we understand that life happens and plans change, materials and food have been pre-purchased based on your confirmed registration. We cannot process refunds of any kind, for any reason.

* Our team is working hard to accommodate workshop preferences and want you to have the best experience possible at the conference. That said, we cannot guarantee workshops and simply do not have the capacity to reassign participants. Please take this into consideration at the time of registration.

* As volunteers trying to create an amazing event at a reasonable price, we must strictly adhere to our registration closing date of Monday, February 24. We will not process registrations after this date or onsite at the event.

The first response to sin, going all the way back to Genesis 3, was shame. After their disobedience, Adam and Eve hid from God. And it is a story we are all prone to repeating in our own lives. Hiding and shame are our natural responses to our own sin, as well as the ways we are sinned against by others. We all war with this to some degree. But for some of us, it becomes a way of life. We begin to believe that if parts of our hearts and lives were seen or known, we would be utterly finished.

I understand that response because I have lived it. I am familiar with the inclination toward hiding anything that feels vulnerable – insecurities, sin struggles, desires, and pain. But it doesn’t stop there. Our relationships with others often reflect how we relate to God. When shame controls us, we try to control the image of ourselves that we present to God, and we hold back the parts that are most in need of him.

This is a battle I fight continually, but it doesn’t control me the way it once did. Finding healing from the depth of my shame is probably one of the parts of my story that gives me the greatest joy. When I remember how lost, full of fear, and self-loathing I once felt – I can’t help but adore the One who saved me that much more.

But how did that happen?

What if you resonate with parts of this? What if hiding feels safer than authentic openness? What if the idea of being fully seen by God and others scares you?

You are not alone, my friend. The gospel is good news for those who hide and bear the weight of shame. But how exactly does Christ heal the brokenness you feel? How do you leave an identity of hiding behind, for one filled with authenticity and freedom?

There is no 12 step plan here, but there is a God who welcomes all who would seek him. From the chapters of my own story, here are some of the paths from which I find hope and healing.

#1

First, I would suggest that you pray very honestly (Psalm 62:8). Talk with God about what you really feel and what you fear. During a time when I was ruled by shame, I remember one day finally coming to terms with the idea that I couldn’t actually hide from God. But it didn’t lead to a beautiful homecoming or the embrace of the Father with a prodigal – at least not right away. No, my resignation to truth was more like defiantly stomping out into the open, and yelling at God that FINE, he could have me! I told him to just get it over with and do his worst. I was sure it was coming. It felt like exposure of the worst kind.

I know that sounds dramatic, but it is truly how I felt- I was terrified and angry. But looking back, I think even my aggressive, fear-filled surrender was a turning point. Because as I turned toward God telling him what I felt about him and myself, I was inviting him to be a part of my life. I was talking to him. I told him that I felt safer with him at a distance. I also asked for his help, while in the same breath admitting I wasn’t sure I wanted it.

It was messy, but I was finally inviting God in (even if it was, “to do his worst”) – and as I did, I was amazed that instead of rejecting or cursing me, he seemed to come closer to me (James 4:8). To this day, when I feel that familiar desire to hide, I try to treat it like an alarm that reminds me to go before the Lord and share my heart with him. I want it to be the signal that compels me to the very opposite of what I once used to do.

#2

The second way out of patterns of hiding is related: Freedom is found in confession (1 John 1:9). Once you start praying honestly with God, there is a natural movement toward confession. In my genuine honesty, I can’t deny the ugly realities of my heart and life.

During that season of painful surrendering to God, it was true that I wanted a life without him, so I told him that. I thought I couldn’t trust him, and that I knew better than him. I told him that too. And eventually my honesty led to acknowledgement of my guilt – the depth of my pride that drove my complaints against God. I asked him to forgive me, even though at the time I still loved my sin more than I loved him.

In those moments I couldn’t fully grasp the goodness of his forgiveness, but God always meets us where we are. He offers us grace even when we aren’t convinced that we need it- through his Word and people around us. I found encouragement in Ephesians 1 and 2, especially verses like 2:4-5 – But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—  

It is his continual kindness leads to genuine repentance (Romans 2:4).

#3

Another path that proved helpful was learning to orient my heart toward who God is and to speak truth to myself. Shame is consumed with itself. Hiding is self-obsessed. In order to change this pattern we need to change our focus and fill our minds with truth about who God is – even if we struggle to believe it.

I find relief from my inclinations toward self-obsession by studying God’s Word to understand who he is. I remind myself that God is trustworthy (Hebrews 10:23; Lamentations 3:22-23). He does not delight in my suffering – he came and painfully died because of sin and the suffering it produces (Isaiah 53:5). He is patient and gracious toward me (Psalm 103:8). I speak these biblical truths to myself, acknowledging that they do not always feel real to me, and asking for God’s help to see them as true. He is faithful in shifting my heart toward himself – and knowing, understanding, and worshipping him.

#4

Finally, I would urge anyone who battles with hiding to bring another Christ-follower along with them. Shame loves darkness. As you pour your heart out to the Lord, engage in confession, and remind yourself of biblical truth – do the same alongside a trusted friend or counselor. First John 1:5-7 reminds us to walk in the light in fellowship with one another, which includes shared confession and mutual encouragement.

If the desire to hide drives your behavior, I want to assure you of the great hope and freedom we have in Christ. When your shame is deep, God’s grace is deeper still. We are fully known and loved by him. His kindness and mercy extends to all who seek him. He comes close to the weak, the vulnerable, and depraved. His love is vast. He, from whom I used to hide, hasbecome my refuge.

“My chains are gone, I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood his mercy brings
Unending love, amazing grace.”

 

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This article was previously published on Beth’s website, Wrestled Faith. Arise is honored to have Beth as a workshop presenter for the Arise EXPECT Conference on March 14 & 15. Visit our Events page and link here to register beginning January 14th. 

About the Author: Beth Claes is the director of counseling at New Heights Church. She has a doctorate in psychology and practiced from a traditional psychological perspective for 10 years before shifting to a gospel-centered counseling approach. She loves helping others see how the gospel connects with our struggles. In addition to leading New Heights Counseling, Beth writes at her blog Wrestled Faith and has written several articles for The Gospel Coalition. She is married and has three school-aged children. 

“Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” Galatians 6:8

I’m not much of a gardener, but I do know this: If I plant tomatoes in the spring and tend to them well, I’ll have a bounty of tomatoes come summer. If I plant carrot seeds, I’ll grow carrots, and if I bury my favorite tulip bulbs before the first frost, I’ll enjoy their vibrant bursts of color for many years after.

What I sow in the garden is what I’ll reap in the harvest.

This was true for the Galatians, too, but in day-to-day life and with an added caveat: what the church planted revealed their motivation and whom they were trying to please – their own fleshly desires or the Spirit of God. The first, Paul said, would yield destruction. The latter, eternal life.

When we truly know Christ and surrender to His will, we die to our old sin nature and exchange it for righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21, Romans 6:6, Romans 8:13). Gratifying our own indulgences and selfish desires produce a garden that needs serious attention. It should prompt us to ask ourselves some really hard questions about who we’re trying to please and if we’re truly following after Christ.

I don’t know about you, but I try not to plant things my family and I don’t like eating or seeing. The result simply won’t satisfy and the effort will be wasted. Let’s heed Paul’s warning and take the time to look at what we’re planting and growing. Are they seeds that please the Spirit or those that lead to destruction? Let’s make sure the seeds we sow and nurture are the ones we want sprouting.

For Further Study

Read Galatians 5:13-6:7. Make a list of everything Paul mentions that pleases the Spirit or are results of the Spirit.

Read Galatians 5:13-6:7 again. This time, make a list of fleshly desires and the things that lead to destruction.

Circle anything in the lists that reflect who you are and how you live, then ask yourself the following questions:

• • What does this reveal about the seeds I’m sowing? Are they bearing fruits of the Spirit? A bounty of grace, patience, gentleness? If not, why? What is at the root of this problem and needs to change? What am I watering and fertilizing that should have been, as Galatians 2:20 explains, crucified with Christ? Reading Paul’s entire letter to the Galatians would be helpful. 

Finally, re-read Galatians 6:8 and write a responsive prayer. Feel free to use this one and insert your own reflections.

Father, thank you for the gift of salvation through Christ. Forgive me for the ways I try to please my own flesh. I confess to being (insert appropriate words and phrases from your list here) and long for a deep and true faith that pleases the Spirit. Help me believe that you are my everything – That I am nothing without you, and only righteous in you. May I reap a bountiful and eternal harvest for your glory and purpose.  Amen.

About the Author: Lisa DaSilva is a wife, mom of two young adults, and advocate for women to love God with their heart, soul and mind as they engage in responsible study of His Word. With an M.Ed in Curriculum Development and a teacher by trade and passion, she writes, speaks, and teaches the Bible to anyone who will read or listen. As the director of Arise Ministries Collective in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, Lisa believes every woman has a voice. She longs for the day when they find freedom to use it for the glory of God and the furthering of His Kingdom. Lisa is a recovering striver, lover of simplicity and thrift store junkie. She often has to convince people she’s an introvert. Just a loud one.